Perfect
by Suzette's Blue
Summary: Kurt was perfect and that's all there was to it.  Birthday fic for Angel. Trigger warning: contains self harm. Rated for themes and language.


Perfect.

~AkNuGrEtL~

Perfection.

That is what I am. That is what I have to be.

I stare at myself in the mirror. Smile. I am perfect.

~AbNuGrEtL~

My heart aches every time I see him. He's changed so much. And I don't know why.

He doesn't talk to me anymore. Sure we say hello and make some stupid comment about the weather, but that's _all_.

Carol and Finn say he's the same with them. That girl, Mercedes, doesn't come around anymore, hasn't since he transferred out of McKinley.

I have no idea what's going on. But it scares the living hell outta me.

~AkNuGrEtL~

I hate this stupid uniform. How is my perfection supposed to shine through when it is being crushed by uniformity, conformity?

Blaine smiles at me across the room and I smile back. I know what he's thinking _'Oh Kurt, how well you've settled in'_ and, though it disgusts me to admit it, to all appearances I have.

I have, once again, been demoted to mindlessly harmonizing in the background whilst my "boyfriend" sings solo after solo. But that's okay. For I have something others brush off, believing it unattainable. Perfection.

~ApNuGcEkL~

He's singing in the kitchen _~"Live in my house, I'll be your shelter. Just pay me back, with one thousand kisses. Be my lover, I'll cover you. Whoa whoa oh."~_

It's that song the two gays in that musical sing together while skipping down the street. Rent I think it's called.

But Kurt broke up with that Blaine guy, something about him hogging the spotlight. Unless they got back together again. But Finn looks confused too, not that that's too unusual.

It's the first time I've seen him since he transferred and by God that kid's changed. I don't think anyone'd dare chuck him in a dumpster like I used to.

~AkNuGrEtL~

I've decided that Blaine's self-centeredness has become too much lately.

When I told him to allow others the spotlight once in a while I meant that _he_ should spend some time harmonising to someone else's tune.

Namely mine.

_Not_ for him to sing a duet, especially not foregoing the entire audition process. What's the point unless I prove it too them all by triumphing in the traditional manner?

Whilst I am, of course, flattered that he chose me to sing with, that he lacked sense enough to believe that I would have failed the audition cannot be tolerated.

As such, I am once again happily single and plan to take advantage of this.

I wonder what McKinley will think of my new-found perfection.

~AfNiGnEnL~

Kurt's gone weird. I don't get it.

He moved to Dalton to be safe, right? So why is he back at McKinley?

What's going on? I don't think I even know him anymore...

~AkNuGrEtL~

Carole's worried; you can see it on her face. Dad's pissed off; he's not bothering to hide it. And Finn...Finn is as confused as ever.

Oh how I ever deluded myself into thinking he was good enough for me has entirely escaped my mind. Although I must admit that I now know him far better than I did when I began my pathetic crush on the poor boy.

And sabotaging Rachael's pathetic attempts to win him was amusing...

~ArNaGcEhL~

Oh my God he's back.

How am I supposed to get my solo at Nationals with _Kurt Hummel_ back at McKinely? Maybe I should talk to Karofsky, he'd be willing to crack a few ribs of my one and only rival. But no. That would never work; we need Kurt's talent to win.

Oh the dilema's I find myself in. Okay calm down Rachael. What would Barbra do?

~AkNuGrEtL~

As I step out of my beloved Navigator I am greeted by the "Unholy Trio" as they are known. Not that I expected any different.

I've been friends with Brittany and by extension Santana since before our brief fling last year and as Quinn is back with Finn, it is inevitable that we would befriend over his hopelessness.

And besides, these three are the closest things to perfection since me.

~AtNaGnEaL~

Damn Kurt looks good, if only he weren't gay. If Britt weren't well...Britt, I could totally hate her for tapping that last year.

Karofsky looks like he's shitting himself, and he should be. Kurt is not the same scared little boy McKinley said goodbye to. Quinn and I set rights to that. Britt helped too, in her own way.

Look out McKinely, Perfection has arrived and he's here to stay.

~AkNuGrEtL~

Fourth period comes and with it Glee Club. I sing Patti LuPone's "As if we Never Said Goodbye" from _Sunset Boulevard_ and everyone gushes about how much they've missed me.

This week's project is Lady Gaga's "Born This Way", the perfect song for my comeback.

I ignore the looks from Rachael and Mercedes. Honestly, what did they expect? I am a diva, I cannot afford to fraternise with the competition.

Perfection is on the line.

~AmNeGrEcL~

He's changed. He just … isn't Kurt anymore and I have no idea _why_.

I don't think anyone else realises just how much he's changed. It's not just the new confidence, or that he's hanging out with the Unholy Trinity. It's so much more than that, I don't know _what_ exactly it is, but I know it's not my boy.

~AkNuGrEtL~

A flaw? Something about myself that I am not comfortable with? Mr Schuester you have _got_ to be kidding me. And FYI, forcing all of us to wear these fashion disasters is not going to bring us closer together, unless we're bonding through bitching. But really, pointing out each other's flaws is bitchier, and far more benefital for the team as it gives people things to work with. Not me of course, but the lesser beings need all the help they can get.

~AbNrGiEtL~

I like Kurt. I always have. He's the only person who actually understands perfection and, although I haven't reached it yet, I know I'm not far off.

Kurt says that I'm the closest to perfection after him. Quinn doesn't like that. But who cares about her? She's only with us because no one else likes her.

I mean come on; you don't get surgery to become perfect. That's cheating which means you'll never reach it. Santana was pretty crushed after Kurt pointed that out, but she got over it, she knows she's as perfect as she can be with the boob job. But Quinn just doesn't get it.

~AkNuGrEtL~

Oh honestly Quinn? Dating Finn to become Prom Queen? You poor delusional soul. You should have stayed with Sam; even with that disastrous mouth of his he's better Prom King material than _Finn_.

But even still, I'm pretty sure it's going to be Santana and Karofsky this time. How can anyone even _think_ of competing with the school's two biggest HBICs?

Except for me of course. But I will not be running; no one here is perfect enough for me to.

~AtNiGnEaL~

I feel so sorry for Kurt, how could anyone do that to him?

They all know how sensitive he is about that kind of stuff. I honestly thought the people in this school had changed, become a little more empathetic. This just proves how wrong I was.

But he's so _strong_, "Kate Middleton eat your heart out", Kurt, you're amazing.

~AkNuGrEtL~

How much do assassins cost and where can I find one?

Maybe Coach Sylvester would be willing to do it for me after I arranged the perfect funeral for her sister.

I don't care how it happens, Jesse St James needs to be killed, I'll offer any amount of money. How _dare_ he criticise my performance of "Some People"? I would honestly kill him myself if I wasn't worried about getting his blood under my fingernails, not to mention on my clothes. Do you have any idea how hard it is to get bloodstains out?

Believe me when I say it's fucking hard, impossible if you don't soak the clothes before the blood dries.

~AwNiGlElL~

I think something's wrong with Kurt. Ever since we got to New York he's seemed … different.

Maybe it's that he's so close to his dream? He's made no secret of the fact that he wants to be on Broadway after graduating; perhaps the sudden exposure to well … _New York_ has set off something in his brain.

Maybe I should talk to him …

~AkNuGrEtL~

I stare at the blood dripping down my bare arm, wondering how it came to this.

"Perfection" yeah right. Nothing's perfect. You'd think I'd know that by now wouldn't you.

I carefully scrape the blade in my hand across my wrist, watching as it breaks the skin causing blood to well up and slowly drip, drip, drip down onto the tiled floor of the shower in the hotel room I share with Mike Chang. Another cut, another well of blood. But it's not enough. It never is.

Another cut, this one deeper, a stream of red, red blood and then black, black …

~AmNiGkEeL~

"Kurt!" I call out for the twentieth time, banging on the bathroom door. He's been in there for an hour and a half already. And while I appreciate his need to primp and preen before we head off to the Big Event, I kinda need to too.

"Kurt!"

Finn comes in, flanked by Puck and Sam with Artie trailing behind.

"Dude what's up?" Finn asks.

"It's Kurt, he's been in there for an hour and a half already and he's not answering me." I explain angrily.

"But his lotions and stuff are still out here" Finn said, gesturing to Kurt's overladen bedside table.

We exchange worried looks before the three footballers set about breaking down the bathroom door.

~AgNlGeEeL~

"He's lost a lot of blood" was the first thing the doctor said.

"Oh God" moaned Burt, "he's going to be okay though right? Right?"

"That all depends on your son I'm afraid. We'll do all we can of course, but when someone becomes determined to die, there's not much we can do to stop them."

"Cut the crap man" Puck shouted angrily, "Kurt's not gonna bail on us!"

"Yeah" chimed in Finn, "he's stronger than that"

The doctor shook his head sadly but the glee club payed him no heed.

"He has to be fine, he's supposed to sing a duet with me!"

"Oh shut _up_" snapped Santana, "he's in a fucking coma you self centred bitch"

"Guys! Kurt wouldn't want us to be fighting" Mercedes broke in.

"Kurt will be fine" Brittany said unconcernedly, "he's perfect," she explained to the shocked faces staring at her, "he wouldn't let a little thing like death bring him down."

"Brittany, he's been cutting himself. That's not perfection, that's self-harm" Tina said, unable to believe the words the blonde was saying.

"Guys, lets all just calm down" Mr Schue said before turning to the doctor, "Can we see him?"

"Family only" came the reply and the entire glee club immeadiately surged forward, "I said family only!" the doctor shouted.

"We _are_ his family" Mike spoke for all of them.

~For Angel~

A/N: Okay so, this ficlette is for Angel who celebrated her - birthday the other week so HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANGEL! and Sorry it took so long ^_^"

Uhm yeah, sorry about the lame ending, insomnia is currently trying to ruin my life (again) and so ... yeah. I may or may not be writing a sequel, depends how many people want to see one I guess.

Sorry if it's really confusing, let me know if you want something clarified. But I will say now, Kurt was cutting all along.

So uhm yeah, I'm gonna go try to sleep or something now.

Review if you love me please! (and even if you don't)


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